I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
