Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
