Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
