"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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