so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Sorry about my life...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
