Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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