i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
