I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
time to smoke my breakfast
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
