what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
