I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
