How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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