Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize