I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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