I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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