Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
