mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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