Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize