When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
