if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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