In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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