I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
birth control should be required to get into college
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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