I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
