is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
