Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
