I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
