We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
