I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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