Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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