OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i need to put some appletini on your dick
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Randomize
