whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
