The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
