This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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