I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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