Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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