Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
a search helicopter?!
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
