so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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