im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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