I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
