Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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