its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
