marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
