she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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