he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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