Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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