fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
