You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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