I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
