NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
