Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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