My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
