Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
