Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
