My nipple is on Facebook.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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