Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
organizing the empties. That sober.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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