CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
