Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize