Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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