I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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