Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
