I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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