mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
