I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
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