What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
