Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It's just like the Real World with babies
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize