i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
